Engaging Families and Youth in Your Church
- Tivvi Pare
- Jan 23
- 7 min read
Updated: Mar 3
Practical Tips and Tools for Creating an Engaging Youth and Intergenerational Program in Today’s Churches
Families are our foundation and youth are our future. But how do we connect with these young people in meaningful ways that makes them want to be a part of our church and what do we do once they’re there?
Starting From the Right Place
Asset Mindset
One of the most impactful things I learned in my many education classes at Clemson University was that our mindsets will often dictate our outcomes, or at least have a big impact on them. Too often we have what is called a deficit mindset. In a classroom a deficit minded teacher might focus on the areas in which a student is struggling, whereas an asset minded teacher acknowledges the growing edges while focusing on the student’s areas of strength. The student under the instruction and care of a teacher with a deficit mindset won’t experience adequate challenge in the classroom, they won’t grow, and they’ll keep meeting the low expectations set for them. The student whose teacher chooses an asset mindset interacts with that student in a more positive way, creating a relationship of trust and support, and chooses materials that will push the student to stretch and grow as a learner. We must adopt an asset mindset when planning work and working with children, youth, and families (and maybe lots of other places in our lives, but we won’t get into that right now).
So, what does an asset mindset look and sound like in a church?
Instead of “we don’t have many youth” we could think “how lucky are we to have these youth in our church, how can we highlight the gifts each of them has to offer?”.
Instead of “we don’t have enough youth to make planning Sunday school worth it” we could think “how can we develop a new and creative program that would engage the youth we do have?”.
Instead of “why bother inviting that family to the church supper, they won’t come anyway” we can instead say, “I’d love to sit with you at the church supper if you can be there, and if not, I’d like to hear what types of events you might be interested in and able to attend in the future”.
Instead of “my congregation is getting older, they can’t help lead the youth program” we can think “what skills/stories/characteristics do each of the members of this congregation have that they could share with the youth?”. Could the woodworker teach the youth how to whittle as you learn about Jesus the Carpenter? Could the grandparent whose grandchildren live in another state “adopt a youth” as their “grandkid” for a few weeks?
Your mindset is your choice. Choose the mindset that acknowledges people’s value and your commitment to them. It might not be easy, and you might slip back into the deficit now and again. If we can work to choose an asset mindset more often, things will only improve!
Characteristics of a Successful Program
I don’t believe there is a one size fits all solution to the challenge of developing an engaging program at your church, but there must be some guiding characteristics we can strive for to help our ministries flourish. Here are four that have worked for me in the classroom and at summer camp:
Offer an Extravagant Welcome – If we want youth to feel safe and loved in our programs, they must first feel welcomed. Youth will choose to be in spaces where they are welcome to be their true selves. Everyone in your program deserves an extravagant welcome each and every time they show up, not just when they’re brand new. When my students were absent from class, they were always greeted the morning they returned with, “Elijah, I am so glad you’re here today. We missed you yesterday!” How will you welcome folks to worship/movie night/the church picnic/etc. in a way that says we’re so glad you’re here? It might seem obvious but remember to make eye contact, use the people’s names, get to know them, get to know why they came and what they’re searching for!
Be Curious and Supportive – If we want to develop a successful program that gets families coming back time after time, it needs to be providing what our families need and want. Be curious about the parents wishes, be curious about the youth’s interests and hobbies. Don’t let it stop at curiosity though! When you learn that a family is hoping to learn how to continue faith formation at home, find resources to share with them or connect them with someone who might be able to help. When a youth tells you about a piano recital they have coming up, follow up with them the next week and ask how it went. When your youth have a passion for saving endangered species, take that and run with it! Show that you listened and that you care.
Maintain Authenticity – Perhaps I should have put this characteristic at the top of the list but let all the things you do and say be authentic to yourself and to your church. Be authentic in the way you welcome folks. Youth and families want to be part of a group that knows who they are and is true to that. Kids can sniff out when we’re being “fake” and they won’t buy in if they even get a whiff of superficiality. It’s okay that you don’t have all the answers and resources, just be open about that fact and be willing to work alongside families and youth as they discover the answers they seek. Made a mistake? Apologize to those affected, commit to doing better next time, and move on. Model how to be authentic and make space for others to do the same. It all goes back to creating that safe environment where people want to be.
Planning Guidelines for Program Leaders
If the characteristics outlined above are guidelines for how to be as a part of your church and ministry, then perhaps these are the guidelines of what to do. You might not do every one of these all the time, but perhaps you can work on incorporating one into your program at a time.
Incorporate the Interests of Those Involved – Before you go planning every detail of the events you’ll host this year, get to know your youth. What do the kids want to do? What do they not want to do? What do they care about? What are they worried about? Get to know their guardians. What do they hope their youth will get out of being a part of your program? What do they care about? What are they worried about? Sure, surveys are neat and efficient ways to collect information, but nothing beats a face-to-face conversation when it comes to making a connection and demonstrating your care for all involved.
Communicate Frequently and Effectively – If we want people to come to our events, to remember the projects we’re working on, and to keep folks in the loop with what’s been going on, we’ve got to communicate it. But how? While you’re meeting with your youth and families face-to-face be sure to ask how they communicate best. Is it a text message? An email? Where will they see helpful reminders: a website? Social media? And, just as importantly: What means of communicating are you willing and able to manage? It might take some learning and stretching outside your comfort zone, but if it gets people connected it might be worth it!
Working with youth: Is it Interactive? Did it incorporate at least 2 senses? Is it Short and Sweet? – Okay, you’ve got an event planned that incorporates the interests of your youth and you’ve communicated it effectively over the course of the last few weeks. Now, let’s make sure this is going to be something constructed with the needs of our youth in mind. Youth want things to be interactive. How can you involve them in the discussion? Will there be at least one part of the event that gets them out of their chairs and using their critical thinking skills, communication skills, teamwork skills, etc.? Now think about their senses. In order to get youth involved I try to always incorporate at least two: when they’re listening to instructions, can I provide a visual that they can look at to reach multiple learning styles? When they’re learning about a new concept can I give them something to manipulate that keeps their hands busy? When we’re doing more mindful activities can I create an ambience in the room with candles, low light, pleasant scents, etc. that helps them match their energy levels with the task? And finally, to be effective, we must be efficient. The attention span of our youth is shorter than we think. Aim for a maximum of 20 minutes. If it can’t be accomplished in 20 minutes build in brain breaks involving movement and mindfulness.
In Conclusion
A program that is authentically welcoming, curious and supportive led by an individual with an asset mindset willing to incorporate the group member’s interests, communicate frequently and effectively, and lead with the needs of the group in mind is bound to flourish. In the end, I’ll leave you with something I learned at a conference recently that had a huge impact on how I lead camp: what if the measuring stick of success we use is not the growth of the program, but the degree to which your program thrives. Growth and expansion seem to be on everyone’s minds. We want more kids. We want more families. And we can’t consider our program successful until those people come. But I think there is something to be said for a shifted focus that centers on creating a thriving program where you are with what and who you have. Focus your energies on your assets and new folks are certain to notice and be attracted to your program as you flourish.
Did this article resonate with you? What are your thoughts on engaging youth in the church? Write a comment and start the conversation!
Comments